Dealing with Insults and Personal Attacks: Sage Advice from the Indians of Old and the Bible
Greg Heil
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4:23 PM
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"The best among men do not remember hostilities; they see the virtues, not the faults, and they do not stoop to enmity. It is the lowliest that hurl insults in a quarrel, Yudhisthira; the middling ones return the insults, but the best and the steady ones never babble about hostile insults, spoken or unspoken. The good only remember the good that was done, not the hostile deeds, acknowledging it because they have confidence in themselves."
--Dhrtarastra in the Mahabharata
Many times, I feel like it is so ingrained in our nature to want to lash back at those who attack us. We may even have good reasons and good logic on our side, but as this quotation illustrates, that is still not the best course of action.
Proverbs
The book of Proverbs relays this nugget of wisdom in many places as well. It says, "Don't answer a fool according to his folly" (Proverbs 26:4), "Those who control their tongue will have a long life;opening your mouth can ruin everything" (Proverbs 13:3), and "Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut,and you will stay out of trouble" (Proverbs 21:23).
The problem with lashing back is that usually the person that brought those unfounded accusations against you is illogical at best and is violent and clinically insane at worst. Even a well reasoned argument will usually do no good, and would probably only exacerbate the confrontation.
Masculinity
When I do let those confrontations or insults go by, lots of times I feel like I am not being assertive enough, like I am not being a man. By today's standards of masculinity here in America, that feeling would be accurate: I wouldn't be acting like a man.
But in a Biblical sense, and in some other cultures, wisdom and coolness are more respected and desirable than anger and revenge. I might even go as far as to say that when it comes to masculinity and confrontation, the current American thought on the topic is "foolish."
Obviously, I do think there is a point where you have to make some sort of rebuttal, some sort of response. If the attack is harsh enough, it might require a defense to be made. If the attack isn't against you personally but instead is against someone else such as your spouse or child, I think then you're even more justified to step in and do something about it, on behalf of the other person.
But whenever a response or rebuttal is made, wisdom must still reign supreme.
Your turn:
How do you deal with personal attacks?
Increasingly, as I age, I blow them off. Most attacks are not worth a response.
If you are in the right, most attackes will reveal their own folly. The old saying "Better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone persume you are an idiot, than to open it and prove them right". But, saying and acting are two diffent things. Slowly, with the help of our dear friend Solomon I find that Clint is correct. Just as most things people worry about they can never change. So are the things we want to fight for. Best to go to prayer, and if the confrentation becomes verbal. Verbally tell them you will pray for them. That stops most people pretty quick.
Dhrtarastra's beautiful words point to the essence.
Confidence (in oneself) allows one to be nourished by the good deeds of others, making us grow and warding off envy. Confidence dissipates the power of words that seek to destroy our Self.